2024 Reflection

Sometimes... being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go... and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.  It's easy to form an attachment to people. But when you realized the time has come...the thought of letting go just squeezes your heart in pain.

.....

"I dunno I should stay back today or not."  "Why?"she asked.  "No transport." I managed to mumble a lame excuse.  "You know you can always sit my car what..."  "haha I'll think about it..." That was my reply.

I struggled to decide throughout the whole lesson.  Silently battling with my thoughts.  To stay...or not?? A part of me wanted to stay...but another part of me just want to hide away.  The thought of letting go......I can't.  I just cant.  My group of friends came over.  "Sooo...have you decided? Why can't you stay back anyway? It's her last day!"  "No transport."The same excuse.  "Ying li can fetch you!!"  "I thought we just held a farewell party for her on friday...I have lots of homework to finish anyway." I came out with a quick answer. This time, none of my friends replied. Not a single word.  Their stares made me feel uncomfortable.  They must be thinking I care more about homework than friendship.  "Remember to take lots of photos and email it to me!! =D" I added hastily.

The bell rang.  Signaling the end of school lessons. And the time to bid farewell...

I gathered my bag and books and walk in the direction of her class.  My eyes swept the classroom.  I sighed in relief as I found her. I was afraid that she will leave before I get to her class.  "Hello!...and err..I won't stay back today." 

"Why?" 

"Here is the card. Fionn told me to pass it to you. And this present is from Bao Yi." I stuff the presents into her arms, all the while avoiding her questioning gaze. 

"Why?? Don't tell me that you're still having transport problem..."she asked once more.

A few seconds passed. "Look..I'm gonna be late. The car is probably waiting for me now."This time, I look straight into her eyes. Silently hoping that she would understand. Sorry. I just couldn't bear the thought of leaving. I'm a coward.

"WHY???" She seemed determine to know the reason. Well, not a surprise.

"One last hug??" I avoided her question, again.  We hugged, tightly. I can feel the tears flooding my eyes. No, not now. Her last image of me will NOT be a crying face. Our hug only lasted for a short while. That's already more than enough.  "K la...Enjoy yourself later ah!! Bye bye =)" I turned and hurry out of the classroom after allowing my gaze to take in the face that I will certainly miss seeing.

Tears blurred my vision as I made my way through the crowd.  Tears of pain.  Tears of sadness.  Tears of regrets.  Reality had finally sinked into my numb mind.  There's no avoiding it now.  She's leaving...really leaving...

Silently, I said a prayer, "Lord, watch over her.  Guard your sheep."