Reflection- 2020

When the clock struck 12 at midnight, Cinderella ran with all her might. 

She lost one glass slipper, saw her shining white carriage slowly turned back into a pumpkin, her white horses into mice, her shimmering white gown into broken rags. Still she ran. This had always been the part leaving me in suspension. Why was she running? What was she running from? 

Perhaps. She was running against time. Running from reality.  Running from the dream she did not want to end. But dear Godmother was gracious to her, leaving her the pair of glass slippers- proof of the dream she once had. This gracious gift was what changed her life in the later.

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🍒Of words

Received a text from my school administrator during the holidays, requesting for me to go back to school to help out. No, this was not informed ahead. It was out-of-the-blue-standby-36-hours kind of request. I calmly informed that I am currently in my hometown, a mere 4 hours drive from school. In which she replied, "Many teachers are willing to come back to help, the furthest even from Penang, just so you know."  Whoa. Should I be impressed?  Then again, I calmly texted back, "I'm sorry, thank you for your understanding." I gracefully ended the conversation on a polite note (I would like to think I did haha!), then I paused in wonder, and then I laughed. Whoa. Now I'm impressed. Wasn't I annoyed? Angry? Yes. If this conversation were to take place one year ago, I would have retorted indignantly, purposely highlighting my anger and annoyance, and gave whoever it is a piece of my mind. I had always thought that people like them deserved to be told off right in the face, or that I should stand up and say what's supposed to be right all for the benefit of change.  But.....what did they benefit from that? What did I benefit from that? If every situation could be made right through words, through justifying, I guess there wouldn't be so much mess in this world. 

This is a tough assignment, still learning.

James 1:19 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

🍒Of needs and wants

Been going hair crazy recently after watching a drama in which the main actress has thick long hair. Bought Atomy hair tonic recommended by a friend and was immediately impressed by the effect. Baby hair started growing  after a week! Seeing new fine hairs growing made me wanted to do more, I mean, I couldn't just stop here after seeing all this effect right? So I started trying out new shampoos- shampoos that claimed they work amazing result for hair growth. From Melix to Ka'fen to New Life, those are good. But I did not stop, I still wanted to see all the varieties the market has to offer. So the journey of surveying continues, to Hair Lab 11 and Veralyz and Morodos. I was happily discussing with my mum that I had decided to invest in New Life Hair Shampoo for the next few months but complaining about the burden in my wallet. You see, good shampoos come with a price. Unfortunately, this shampoo comes at a selling price of RM72 per 300ml (which means it will be gone after 1+ 1/2 month , which means RM72 per 1+1/2 month for hair shampoo). 

"Do you really need that?", my mum asked casually. 

"Of course! I want thick hair!", I came up with my immediate answer.

"Is your hair really dropping a lot? Do you have bald issues?"

"Well, no, but you see, this shampoo doesn't have parabens, sls, sdls, and is only made up of purely essential oil! It's healthy!" I was pretty convinced. 

"Oh I see. Then buy lorh", my mum gave in. 

But I gave up. This tiny voice at the back of my mind whispered, "What about those who lost their jobs during the pandemic? What about orphans and homeless people on the streets? What about stray puppies going hungry? What about families living from paycheck to paycheck? What about........." 

I ended up settling with Ka'fen. It's still good, makes hair smooth, reduces hair loss, cheaper (a RM95 per 750ml,can use half a year). Just not the best. I guess it's not just about hair shampoos. It goes the same with that pretty flower dress in trend, that Korean perm every girl dreamt of, that IPhone 12 that sent all Malaysians queuing over night, that PS5 every home should have, that Starbucks drink to take all your sadness away....... 

Truth is, the world will always try to offer you it's best. And when you'd finally climbed in exhaustion towards the top of the best, you'd find out with shock that there's still best of the best. It's a never ending demand, a dangerous black hole.  Many a times had I floated dangerously towards the opening of that deep black hole, and I guess this is life's constant lesson- to not allow yourself to be sucked in. 

Self reminder

🍒Of trials and tribulations

Wars, famines, tsunamis, persecutions, earthquakes, floods, poverty, hunger and sickness. Truth is that trials and tribulations had always been present in most part of human history. The fact that we did not personally experienced these firsthand had turned us into less sensitive human beings. Less sensitive towards the needs of others. Towards meaningful life instead of aimlessly chasing luxuries after luxuries. Towards God. Until this Covid-19 struck, we humankind received our alarms--our wake up calls. 

"Where is God?" 

"Why did He allow all this?" 

"A good God wouldn't allow all this thing to happen." 

"If there is a God, there wouldn't be any sufferings."

Sometimes I am more than happy to engage with my friends who asked me about these. But not here right now. The answer is always there, for those who find, for those who are willing to believe. 🎡

John 16:33 "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

Trials and hardships, was, is, and always will be the norm of life. Way before wearing mask became the norm. Ha-ha. But hey, God has promised that He will walk with us until our very last breath. That is the greatest comfort.

Matthew 28:20 "And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

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And when the clock strikes 12, I hope I can embrace the coming reality, embrace the fact of time loss, embrace the time the world has to offer, embrace the here and now. And if I were to cower and run from the challenges ahead, God is still gracious and good. 

Proverbs 18:10 "The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Grace means getting something you don't deserve 

(like love from God when we were sinners) 

Mercy means not getting what you deserve

(like being forgiven when you're supposed to be punished)