I got married! 17.12.2018

Could not really remember the last time I fantasized about my own dream wedding...perhaps it was when I was in high school, maybe IPG, or even since primary(Oh God)? *laughs* Back then everyone around me had dreams so big- to climb the success ladder, to be in their business world, to achieve a doctorate PhD...so on and so forth. 

Me? Well, I had my own big dream too. I would fantasize about how my wedding photos would be taken. Yeah, probably in a foreign country during the winter. And in my mind's eyes I would even began picturing snow falling in our hair, on our shoulders, drenching our shoes. Yes, and we would be holding hands, laughing, with hands held as we stroll along the snowy pathway. Then, the scene would change to us strolling down the aisle in a beautiful white church situated beside the sea. There would be flower bands in my hair. My other half would most probably be standing in front of the aisle, crying with joy as he saw me coming towards him. Then, and then, a scene of me feeding a happy baby while also dragging a crying toddler by the hand would start to play. But despite the messed up hair and heavy eye bags, my eyes would be twinkling with joy. So much of my fantasies, to the extend that I drew all this fantasies in a card and gave it as an anniversary gift to my husband-to-be at that time. So much of these fantasies you guys should probably ban your kids from watching too much barbie movies*laughs*. Would it be funny to just say out loud that my biggest dream was just to get married and have kids and and and let my life revolve around family?

Slowly I began to understand that not everyone share this same dream. When I first talked about it, people stared at me, and I could almost imagine all kinds of judgment and negative thoughts they could have in their mind already. Or perhaps they did not? Just that I lacked confidence? Slowly I  stopped sharing and just kept this dream sealed in my heart. Until one day, when this middle-aged woman somehow found out about this dream of mine, and instead of laughing, she said something that I would never forget. She said "Big dreams sometimes come in the smallest form. The willingness to dedicate our lives into our families, our husbands, our children could be the greatest ministry of all. The greatest impact a person could have is from a mother to her children, from a wife to her husband." This really encouraged me. I know not every young lady out there just dream of getting married and investing their time into families. Not that I'm saying that working women can't invest their time into family as well. You get the point. 

The story went on. I met him.

We got married at the age when I was 24 and he was 28. We did not go to any countries during the winter season to have our wedding shots after consideration of our financial ability. They was no snow falling in our hair nor any strolls along the snowy walk paths. We held our wedding in a small church in Sarikei, all the way at the outskirt of Sarawak. There were no beaches beside the church. No flowers darned my hair. My other half did not shed tears of joy while I walked down the aisle towards him. 

What happened to these romance that I'd dreamt for?

We found romance on the soft sandy beach while salty sea breeze blew against our hair right in Port Dickson. The twinkles in our eyes could be seen under the sun as the photographer took our shots. My groom was nervously twisting his suit and smiling that stiff smile of his when I walked down the aisle. The most anticipated moment was when we exchanged our wedding vows. Even with sweat dripping down our backs, along with the humming of the not-so-functioning air conditioner, we gleefully said "Yes". 

Did I regret? No. Was this the wedding I'd longed for? Yes. 

You see, along the way, we somehow found out that all these romances no longer matter. Those perfect wedding photos no longer matter. The scenic wedding location could happen anywhere. In the end, we came to realize that what really matters was who you have by your side- now,always, forever. Life has a way of teaching you in the most unexpected ways. What you clung on to so hard might seem so trivial in the end. We did not get the fantasized wedding we dream of, but we did had the most perfect wedding that we could always recall for the rest of our entire lives. 

And right now, as we're stepping into our next phase of life, with my transferred being approved and all, we can't wait for what is to come! But deep in our hearts we know, greater challenges await. Being apart as a couple is only one of the many challenges we had overcome. Up next would probably be house and car loans, mortgages, family plannings and that long transfer back to Sarawak. The list can go on. Whew, that incredible financial burden... I'm feeling it. Seriously salute my parents, I mean how did they made it when they were our age?

Anyhow, I know we can make it. No problem is too big for a God that loves us so so much. Sometimes it is during nights like this that I ponder God's amazing work in my life and I just.could.not.help.being.overwhelmed. Where would I have progressed in life without you, way maker? :)

This was suppose to be our anniversary post, but well, inspiration kicked in and I just wanted to post this. So there. I love this love story of mine, and I truly wished for the best love stories to happen in the lives of those whom I dearly love. Till then. Ciao.