Updates much?
The switch to my study mode was officially switched off, minutes ago, ever since my dear rommie came back and started pouring out stories about her new just-born-into-the-world kittens and "The Hardest Game Ever" apps. Oh yeah, not to forget the recent hot topic: politics. Judging by the way she kept going on and on and on, you would seriously wonder whether she was locked up in the room with a tape plastered over her mouth when she was at home LOL!
Anyway, to say that I'd recovered from my emotional breakdown days, or weeks ago, would be a total lie.
It had definitely left me thinking though, a lot. Even about every single little thing. It's like, all of a sudden, this big magnifier dropped out of no-where, and I began to see things in a magnified sense of way. Stuffs that I'd never realized before came hitting me. All those daily little actions, words, which you'd never really cared before can actually make a great impact now, in a negative kind of way :(
What's happening to me? :(
You know, bit by bit, little by little,I started to see all those flaws in my friends(not that I'm perfect, I know)and what I saw reallyscared terrified me. I would think stuffs like, "Are my friends taking advantage of me?" or "Aren't people supposed to look out for each other, instead of being selfish?" Jokes that did not matter before can actually hurt a lot now. If a person joked about the same thing over and over again, each and every day, esp when it's about physical appearance, what would you guys think about this? I dunno, before this, when my friends go like, "Your face's so long it's like a horse!" every single day, I would totally join in with them, making fun about the other friend. But somehow, these days I just can't joke about this anymore. Laughing doesn't seem like the right thing to do. In fact, I felt kinda disgusted with this behaviour, with myself. To think that I'd been doing the same thing all along. Does it hurt? Does it really matter? C'mon it's just a joke right? I dunno, I really dunno. Once is okay, twice is okay, but joking about the same thing every single day doesn't seem right, not anymore. Why does a person have to joke about other people's appearance? Is it because by doing so, by making people feel self-conscious, they can actually feel better about themselves?
Yeah, I'm scared. Really scared. To the extend that I'd rather stay locked up in my room 24/7 instead of mingling with my friends. Some time to be alone, some time to re-think.
I don't like this. Don't like what I'm seeing. Don't like what I'm thinking. It's really creeping me out.
Anyway, to say that I'd recovered from my emotional breakdown days, or weeks ago, would be a total lie.
It had definitely left me thinking though, a lot. Even about every single little thing. It's like, all of a sudden, this big magnifier dropped out of no-where, and I began to see things in a magnified sense of way. Stuffs that I'd never realized before came hitting me. All those daily little actions, words, which you'd never really cared before can actually make a great impact now, in a negative kind of way :(
What's happening to me? :(
You know, bit by bit, little by little,I started to see all those flaws in my friends(not that I'm perfect, I know)and what I saw really
Yeah, I'm scared. Really scared. To the extend that I'd rather stay locked up in my room 24/7 instead of mingling with my friends. Some time to be alone, some time to re-think.
I don't like this. Don't like what I'm seeing. Don't like what I'm thinking. It's really creeping me out.
In life, you're going to come across people
who are going to say all the right words
at all the right time
But in the end,
it's always their actions
not words
that matters
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