Dear Ginger - 4

Sweet Ginger, weeks had gone by where there had not been a day I'd stopped missing you.

I relieved happy moments with you through bulldog videos I see every day. Apparently, all bulldogs have the same attitude and characteristics, and it's kinda fun and amazing to watch though, you know, about how dogs of certain species act certain ways. 

I know we'd made a decision to never have a dog again when u left. 

But lots of pondering have left me realizing my once-upon-a-time favourite quote tucked at the very back of my mind, that to love is to be vulnerable. ( see that's why it's important to read, quotes come in handy when you need them haha 😅)

You see, love and pain, joy and sadness, they come hand in hand. They're a beautiful package. Choose love and you'll experience pain too. Choose joy, and some days you'll experience sadness too. But if you're too afraid to go through heartbreaks and instead choose to close yourself up just to take away the pain and sadness in life, you're also choosing to take away the joy and the love too.

The same goes for how I have trauma socializing with colleagues at my workplace, that I'd chosen to keep my distance from everyone. Though it seems fine, that you wouldn't get back-stabbed and you're much protected and all, but at the same time, you would not be making any new friends. So yeah, you get the picture. See, it's the same concept.

Life is trying to be brave, over and over again. 

And this time, I guess I'll be brave once more. I'll take it step by step.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

p/s: many things had been happening all at once, I dunno where to start, also at a lost of how to start. Decided to start with you, as always, you are my happy pill.